On Friends, Confidence, and Worship

Hey y'all! Sorry it's been a while since I last updated. It's been a busy/rough/long week! 

WS Love <3

I was able to have some amazing conversations with my good friends this week, and for that I am very grateful! Annalise, my friend in publishing who's living in NYC, and a Stewardson sister. Then Mama Lauren, the wonderful jewelry maker extraordinaire. Ryan, who has officially completed her MAT and has a job! So proud! And just tonight a lovely chat with Jessie, who is now a wife, homeowner, and Vermont-resident! Absolutely wonderful to talk to these ladies and to catch up on their lives. Missing them (and so many others!) terribly. 

Lacking Confidence

It was a rather rough week for me, so these phone conversations helped me get through all the weird things I've been feeling. I guess I just don't feel confident yet- in anything. I didn't get a job I applied for (which in the end is probably much better, but still...) I don't feel confident academically because my head still spins with information after each Church History lecture, and I have absolutely no confidence to talk in either of my Precepts (they're the small classes that meet to supplement the large lectures). I'm not the kind of person who just talks to hear their own voice, some coming up with something to positively contribute to a conversation is difficult. I also don't feel confident socially- still in that very weird stage of hanging out with the "friends of convenience" (who I love, but would like to branch out). Branching out gets hard because friend groups are being formed, and I just don't quite know where I fit yet. I truly think this is normal, but I'm still feeling awkward. Merp. 

I guess where I do feel confident is in choir. I think my two highlights of the week (at school) were choir rehearsal on Monday, and the (Anglican) Chapel service on Thursday. I think I am enjoying it so much because I know what I'm doing- I know how music works, I know how to make my voice work to fit the music. I also had multiple people this week tell me that I had a pretty voice, and during a time when I feeling so down about everything, to hear that meant a lot. 

Ok, Now I'll be Happy :-)

Definitely the greatest parts of my week happened this weekend! I went to a Worship Night that my friend Michelle hosted. I have never been to a worship night before, so it was really cool! Michelle's boyfriend and roommate both went to Yale with her and they are both in the Law School. So, the group was a mix of Law School students and Div School students. It was awesome, because I was able to meet other people who are not Div people. Wabam. It was also so nice to gather and sing songs (mostly ones I had never heard before... but I knew God of Wonders and Amazing Grace!), and to just hang out. It was exactly what I needed on Friday night. Kat was proud of my for going to a worship night, given that it was new to me and that, well, Episcopalians don't often do worship like that ;-) 

I spent Saturday writing a paper on Athanasius. I got a pretty good outline done, and I'm meeting with the Theological Writing Center tomorrow. Let's hope maybe I can get some confidence in my writing... haha. But Saturday night was also the perfect night! I went over to my friend Rachel's house and we made breakfast for dinner- pancakes and eggs. And cookies. SO awesome. Then we watched a chick flick- Laws of Attraction (good, but not really worth watching if you haven't seen it), and then we just talked about life for a while. Wonderful!

Today was a good day too, although not as productive as I would have liked. I took a nice nap (as many of you probably saw on Facebook... T.J. was getting me back for the picture I posted on my last blog entry. ha). I read some Exodus, some guy's thoughts on Exodus. You know, the usual. 

Church was good this morning, I really like it there. However I'm still running into the whole "I'm an awkward student who doesn't quite know how to interact with these people who have been going here forever." But, St. Luke's really likes to welcome newcomers, so I'll be doing a couple of those things. I realize that my parents and sister are going to be here for the "Newcomers Luncheon" in a couple weeks. So guess what we're doing, Parentals? hehe. I signed us up! 

Anywho, tonight I went to the Women's Pub Group, which was pretty cool. It was nice to meet some new people. I have been going to a sung Compline service on Sunday nights, and go back to that next week. It is very meditative and reflective. 

And Just For Fun

Even though I had a rough week, my roommates have still been awesome. Yesterday while I was writing about Athanasius, they did a puzzle.

Kat Kat Kat Kat Kat Kat T.J. Kat Kat Kat Kat Kat Kat

And last weekend I made altar bread (the bread we used at House Church and that Lesley would just make for fun). The rolls came out really well! I was sad I couldn't make bread this afternoon, but hopefully next weekend I will :-)

Random Thought

I'm leading Morning Prayer on Wednesday for the first time, so think good thoughts for me if you're awake at 8am :-) Leading Morning Prayer at HWS wasn't too big of a deal since there were only 4 of us (sometimes only 2!), but it's kinda popular at the Div School. I would say 30-40ish on any morning. I'm kind of nervous, but I think I can do it! :-)

Leaving You With A song

Time for the song. I'm not going to post the YouTube video today, just the lyrics. This is one of my favorite hymns (possibly my favorite, although it's hard for me to commit to one favorite).  Enjoy!

Come, thou Fount of every blessing, 
tune my heart to sing thy grace; 
streams of mercy, never ceasing, 
call for songs of loudest praise. 
Teach me some melodious sonnet, 
sung by flaming tongues above. 
Praise the mount! I'm fixed upon it, 
mount of thy redeeming love. 

Here I raise mine Ebenezer; 
hither by thy help I'm come; 
and I hope, by thy good pleasure, 
safely to arrive at home. 
Jesus sought me when a stranger, 
wandering from the fold of God; 
he, to rescue me from danger, 
interposed his precious blood. 

O to grace how great a debtor 
daily I'm constrained to be! 
Let thy goodness, like a fetter, 
bind my wandering heart to thee. 
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, 
prone to leave the God I love; 
here's my heart, O take and seal it, 
seal it for thy courts above. 

Peace, Love, and Smiles y'all

Christa