I’ve been back for a month, and last week at church a
woman asked me, “So have you stopped your blog?” Sorry to all of those who
check the site expecting updates. It’s not that I haven’t had time to update
these past five weeks, I just don’t know what to say. Here are some mish-mashed
thoughts.
It was so easy for me to come back on July 28th.
July 27th was an extremely hard day, saying goodbye to my host
family, wishing I could express my gratitude and finding that words escaped me.
At night on the 27th, we all reflected with Juan de Dios, our
supervisor. We talked about everything we did during our time in El Salvador,
and what we hoped to take with us. Saying goodbye, for me, is always hard.
I wasn’t expecting adjusting back to life in the U.S. to
be so easy. When I came back from Senegal in 2010, I had horrible “reverse
culture shock.” I entered a sort of depression and I don’t think my parents
knew what to do with me that whole summer. Granted, I was gone for 5 months and
I was much more integrated into a completely different culture than I was this
summer. However, I was expecting it to take me a little time to get back into
the swing of things in Durham. Not so. The first night I got back I went out to
dinner with two of my best friends here, and it was as if I never left. It now
takes extreme effort to talk about my time and remember that yes, in fact I did
go and yes, in fact I was changed.
When people ask me how my summer was, I struggle with
what to say. “It was good, how was yours?” tends to be the response with people
I don’t know well (or, let’s be honest, people I don’t want to talk to). “Incredible”
for people who I know also had intense summer placements. “Life-changing” to
those who I know I will be able to have a good conversation with. Hard, exhilarating,
emotionally-draining, educational, eye-opening. A plethora of adjectives could
describe my summer.
When people ask me to tell them a story, there are so
many that flash through my mind I don’t know where to begin. Do I talk about
one of the Bible Schools that I helped with? Do I talk about some children I
met? Do I talk about the mission teams who really stick out in my mind? Do I
talk about Gaby and William? Do I talk about the hardest day translating for
the clinics? Do I talk about Juan and Yoanna? Do I talk about Jonathan,
Fernando and Manny? Do I talk about Marta? Do I talk about my teacher, Karla? Or,
do I go with my usual and talk about Mari, Brenda, Walter, Diego and David? I
teared up during my recent field-ed interview when Rhonda [director of Field
Ed] asked me about my host family. Their incredible hospitality I will never,
ever forget.
It was amazing to come home from El Salvador and almost
immediately jump into Project Bri(DDD)ge [Building Relationships in Durham
through Duke Divinity Graduate Education]. I participated in this program last
year, and this year I led a group (Go Go Power Rangers. Yes, we’re adults and
our team name was the Power Rangers). This program is all about learning the
history of Durham, particularly as it relates to race, Black/White, relations.
I got way more out of this week this year than I did last year. Last year I concentrated
almost solely on making new friends; it was the real reason I applied for
pre-orientation. However this year, I researched different places in Durham for
the walking tours we did. No need to bore you with all of the history, but I
was fascinated. The history here is deep, rich, and incredibly complicated. It’s
becoming even more complicated now because no longer is there just a
Black/White divide, but Hispanics are part of the mix too. I love how
experiences build on other experiences. I love how Bri(DDD)ge brought forward
for me so many of my thoughts about mistreatment of immigrants and immigration
reform. I love how the hospitality I received is now something I want to give.
I love how all of these issues are still at the forefront of my mind.
I have decided to take a class called “Introduction to
Cross Cultural Pastoral Care and Counseling” this semester, where I hope to
gain skills in working with people from other cultures, and where I also will
be able to use my international experiences. I have attended the
Spanish-speaking Episcopal Church in Durham, El Buen Pastor, twice since
returning (they have a Saturday night service that I would like to keep
attending). When I say my summer was “life-changing” I say that because I never
would have thought that Hispanic ministry could have been a part of my future.
However, now that I know a bit of Spanish and still can speak French, I feel
like I need to use my gift of language. Fuse it with ministry. Learn new, creative,
and respectful ways of helping a church be open to being multi-cultural.
Part of me thought that going abroad this summer was going
to stir a desire in me to want to live in El Salvador and do work there for the
rest of my life. Although I have a new view on missions [which is probably the
subject for another post], I don’t think I am called to that kind of work permanently.
All of the poverty I saw, all of the social inequality and the issues in the
education system stirred up a desire in me to be back in the U.S. and recognize
those problems here. I think one of the biggest problems with going to help people
in “poor” countries is that we refuse to see that our own country has these
problems too. There are poor people in our own neighborhoods. Our education
system is not as great as it could be. There are people in our towns who are
discriminated against for any number of reasons. I’m realizing that what I want
more than anything right now is to be rooted in a community and start “being
with” people (making a reference to the book Living Without Enemies by Sam Wells and Marcia Owen). The summer
stirred up a desire in me to be doing hands-on ministry. To the point where I
just want to do it now! (Thank God for my Field-Ed placement this academic year
at St. Luke’s!) Starting classes was hard because I want to be out in the world
and not stuck in the Div School bubble. But I know that I need many more
classes to be an effective minister. I only have 2 academic years left here,
and I need to make the most of that time.
If I thought time passed quickly this summer, the month
of August passed even faster. My first week of my second year is done. My goal
is to be present in every moment and not will my time away.
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| From Left to Right: Walter, holding David, Brenda, Diego, me, and Mari. <3 |
Peace, Love, and Smiles,
Christa
